Lest We Forget the Enablers: A Dictionary for the Post-Trump Era

bannon
noun
vulgar
a self-impressed person; an expert in the art to self fellatio
Example in a sentence:
The school principal was known as a total bannon, famous for laughing at his own jokes during assembly.

build-a-barr
noun
a political hack installed in an organization expressly to undermine it
Example in a sentence:
The school principal made the religious girl class president so she could be a build-a-barr against the dress-code protest.

comeygain
interjection
—used to indicate disbelief at the stupid (one might even say cruel) ways history plays out
Example in a sentence:
When the principal told his wife that the religious girl was trying to get him fired for glancing at the hole between the buttons of her shirt, his wife said, “Comeygain? Don’t complain to me when the killer you hired decides to kill you!”

dejoy
verb
to destroy through obvious sabotage
Example in a sentence:
Desperate to hold onto his power, the principal dejoyed the investigation by paying off the Latin teacher and committee chair.

devosé
noun
saboteur who doesn’t bother hiding it; one who dejoys
Example in a sentence:
The Latin teacher turned out to be a possibly suicidal devosé who gave no fucks and walked around muttering, “Alis volat propiis.” She flies with her own wings.

hannitize
verb
to transform by stoking xenophobia and attacking vulnerable populations with lies and distortions; synonym for tucker
Example in a sentence:
The principal’s only hope was to hannitize the old board members, and convince them that the innocent girl was in fact a dangerous outsider with foreign values and dangerous ideas.

Hucka-San Gambit
noun
argumentative strategy that opens with telling someone the thing they saw with their own eyes was not what they saw, continuing with the suggestion that their even thinking that’s what they saw reveals their own shameful prejudice
Example in a sentence:
At his hearing, the principal attempted the Hucka-San Gambit, claiming, “I saw something on the tip of my nose — a flake of skin, or a piece of lint or something! The fact that she thought my looking down at my nose was ogling says a lot about where mind was at!”

jeffsesh
noun
a period of time in which the arc of the moral universe bends away from justice; a
retrogression
Example in a sentence:
When other girls began coming forward with stories of feeling uncomfortable with the principal, with stories of apparent armpit peeping, alleged sniffing of air recently vacated, confirmed shoulder patting and squeezing, it became clear that the principal’s tenure had been a real jeffsesh at the school.

kavabrah
noun
abusive addict with wild swings of emotion from weepy victimhood to sneering anger
Example in a sentence:
Tanner, the principal’s daughter, went to sleep at Chloe’s house because her dad was getting me-too’d and being a real kavabrah about it.

kellyanne
verb
to evade a question by latching onto a word and going off on a tangent
Example in a sentence:
When a board member asked the principal if any of the accusations were true, he kellyanned, “You know what’s true? I love this school, I love these kids — not like that! — and everything I’ve ever done here has been in the service of education and enrichment, and it’s incredibly hurtful to me that people won’t acknowledge that.”

kushnerd
noun
a walking contradiction, a willfully obtuse person
Example in a sentence:
The principal’s son Jackson, a total kushnerd, was unbothered by all the drama surrounding his dad, assuring his girlfriend he was totally a feminist, but all these girls were liars. 

graham cracker
noun
1. A digestive biscuit pretending to be a cracker, even though everyone knows it’s a digestive biscuit and no one cares
2. A white southern senator who’s being blackmailed for some reason
Example in a sentence:
While the other kids got cookies from the cafeteria, the religious girl ate soft graham crackers she kept in her locker. 

McCarthy
noun
vulgar, derogatory
shit-heel; sonofabitch; cynical grasper of power
Example in a sentence:
The vice-principal got dragged into the mess when investigators discovered that the principal had also been paid off by a textbook company, and the vice-principal, that McCarthy, knew it.

mcinaney
adjective
: of, relating to, or suggesting a statement so obviously untrue that it leads to hysterical fits of laughter
Example in a sentence:
The vice-principal’s most mcinaney claim, “I have never — would never — cheat our students,” was instantly belied by her designer handbag and shoes.

Moscow Mitch
noun
: an alcoholic mixed drink of vodka, bourbon, and the tears of poor children (may substitute fracking-contaminated tap water)
Example in a sentence:
The principal and vice-principal occasionally shared a Moscow Mitch at the end of the day while plotting to stymie the hopes and dreams of their least favorite students.

mnuch
verb
to steal from the poor to further enrich the already rich
Example in a sentence:
“I’m not surprised,” the principal’s mother said. “When he was a kid, he mnuched food from his sister’s plate, even while his was full.”

pompey-oh
noun
1. A large side of pork in a business suit
2. A puppet leader or patsy; errand boy
Example in a sentence:
Whenever he was running late, the principal stuck a pompey-oh in the passenger seat and used the HOV lane.

rubicruzday
noun
the day that one permanently trades self-respect for a scrap of power
Example in a sentence:
The vice-principal began to think of the day she agreed to play ball with the textbook company as her personal rubicruzday.

scarymooch
verb
to immediately demonstrate incompetence upon a rise to power
Example in a sentence:
During her first all-staff meeting, the former vice-principal and current interim principal scarymooched herself by threatening to stab the school nurse with her pencil.

scarymooch
noun
a unit of time equivalent to six days
Example in a sentence:
The principal failed to pay his lawyer, who quit after just two scarymooches.

Stephen Miller
noun
obscene
a bilious sociopath with an inability to distinguish between good and bad attention and an extremely low success rate
Example in a sentence:
After his conviction, the principal became briefly famous as the Stephen Miller of school administrators.